More than... words?

There comes a time when you fight and hope as hard as you can, and it just isn't enough..

I found out on Tuesday evening; My Mom has fallen out of remission and the cancer is back. While on a topical level it doesn't seem that bad (this time it's surgery, rather than chemo and radiation), it seems to hurt more deeply than it did before. Surgery this Saturday.. they're removing what appears to be a small tumor, and the lymph nodes near her neck as a preventative measure going forward.

In true "Mom" fashion, I didn't even find out the date for her surgery until my sister contacted me just a few hours ago. I'm absolutely positive I have a voicemail on my home line, but after hearing the news from my sister I know I'm not strong enough at the moment to hear her say it, even digitally.

The better half of 2008, into 2009 are reflected in my own mind as the toughest of my life. Back in my MySpace days, I posted a blog with nearly the perfect sentiment on the condition, which I deleted (on purpose) the day her PET scan came back cancer free. It was filled with lamentations on my feelings for her... for Mom's in general.. and how empty and sad I felt at the time.

Regardless of all that, the end of this will be the same. I pray that this time it'll be OK. I wish deep in my soul that I could take this from her. I would gladly fight that fight... lift that weight, and carry her across the line if I could. Unfortunately, I can't. What I can do is think as positively as I can.. BE as positive as I can be, and hope that my interminable desire for her to be around for as long as she can transfers to every last fiber of her being.

I love you, Mom. You're who I am today, who I was yesterday, and present with every waking thought and decision I'm blessed to have on a minute-to-minute basis.

I'd love for you to stick around a while. We're not done... Not by a long shot.

Remember your Moms today. If they're around, call them. Hug them. Love them. You really never know when they'll be gone for good. If not, remember and embrace the love you have for them, and thank them in your own special way for making you who you are today.


In love,
-Chris

20 year reflections..

Had a chat with a friend today to go over some preliminary planning for my 20 year High School reunion next year. A bit later, I went through my "Suggest A Friend" link on Facebook, and I was clicking through some profiles when I realized: I really don't remember a whole lot from 20 years ago!

People's names raise some very vague memories. I can't place some people, while I remember others like it was yesterday. Not just close friends, either. Then my mind starts to wander and think "Was I really shitty to this person? I mean, we have 8 Facebook friends in common, why haven't I thought to add them? Or better yet, why haven't they thought to add ME?!"

Then I flip through my old yearbooks. Pictures of me, pictures of friends, pictures of events and happenings that I'm sure in some way shaped a small piece of who I am today. My thoughts then drift to the "lyrics" from the Baz Luhrmann spoken word "Everybody's Free". I remember thinking, when the song came out back about ten years ago how some of the lyrics rang true. Ten years later it's one of the wisest things I've ever heard.

I guess we've all gone through changes since those molten, molding years when we first set foot on our own out in this crazy world. Some good, some bad. Some so indifferent at the time that we didn't even realize the gravity.

I leave you with the wise words of Baz Luhrmann. Trust him on the sunscreen.

Till next time!

Everybodys free - Baz Luhrmann

Why, why, why?

It's a valid question. While I had initially hoped to run a nice little blog under it's own power; content driven by friends and aspiring writers, it hasn't worked out so well. Some hosting problems and some legal disputes about the name have cost me more time on this than I'm really willing to spend right now, but I hold out hope I'll resolve them within the next few months.

But seriously, what's the point?

"Claiming Today" is still going to rely heavily on user submissions, and my own story-spinning. I think all of my friends have interesting qualities, traits and stories that are well worth the read. I'm going to start things off with some recent goings on, and send out some feelers to friends from all over to submit some good reads. I hope you all enjoy, and please contact me if you want to submit something. I look forward to reading some good stuff in the coming months!